A Tale Of Survival: Part 2

It’s hard to predict the outcome of a situation when the variables are two children and a mess of inexperience. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve never really been away from my wife for more than a long weekend. So now I’m 4 days into being a single parent and I have 4 left to go. This is what some would call the half way mark. A lot of weird stuff happened. In an effort to avoid a thousand plus word blog post, I’ll try to sum it up with some bullets.

  • The boy went full on Paleo on me. Nuts, dried fruit, and nothing else. WTF happened to kids wanting chicken nuggets?
  • The boy began calling peanuts penises… so that was fun at the grocery store
  • The baby, for the most part, left me alone between the hours of 8pm and 3am
  • I got so bored I began arranging old punk rock songs on the piano with little to no success
  • The kids screamed, they were good, they fought, they were nice, I drank a lot
  • Gin and milk is NOT a good combination
  • People went ape shit over a picture of wine in a bag
  • And I made the horrible decision of being so cocky that I didn’t think I needed to restock my alcohol supplies. Things got desperate

So all in all, everything above was fairly expected. Nothing really jumped out at me in a way that made me think that maybe I wasn’t prepared to be a temporary single parent. Frankly, it was kind of easy. But as the week went on, I began to realize something I didn’t expect to learn. And that was how completely and utterly dependent I am on my wife.

Disclaimer: I’m about to talk about feelings which is a topic I suck at. Sorry in advance for the incoherent word soup that you’re about to wade though.

Ok… here we go. So the core goals of taking care of two small children are as follows:

  • Keep said children alive
  • Feed them
  • Bathe them regularly
  • Bathe yourself because, Jesus… it gets everywhere
  • Make sure they sleep

So I rocked the core tenants of parenthood. And I wasn’t expecting anything different. What I didn’t expect, was the emotional toll it would take.

Parenting is hard and it’s draining. My mental game, while usually on point like a mofo, suffered. I forgot stupid things like locking the front door even though we have a legit drug dealer living across the street. By mid-week, I was borderline depressed and my work was suffering. I can’t say that this is the norm for a single parent because I just don’t know. I’m not a real single parent at all, but what I can say is that I need Mad Wife a lot more than I would have thought.

You see, I realized that successful dual parent parenting isn’t just about keeping your kids alive and fed, it’s about working together to raise these freaking monsters while also keeping each other sane and happy. My wife helps me get through the day in ways I don’t even understand. Maybe it’s just her being around, or maybe it’s the fact that when she’s home, I can run out and buy gin at 8pm without having to wonder how unsafe it is to leave a 2 year old and infant home alone.

It’s no surprise that I love my wife, but I truly don’t think I can live without her. To that end, I’m pretty happy that I have two anchor babies and a soul crushing amount of debt in her name. She isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Thank god for that.