A recent conversation with my doctor went kind of like this: You’re overweight. You know this. Me: I’m not overweight; I have taken many years to cultivate the perfect dad bod. Doc: No, you’re overweight and you’re going to die young.
I don’t go to that doctor anymore, but he got me thinking: maybe I can get a little healthier. It also had me thinking: I use too many colons when I write. Grammar jokes, am I right?
Looking back, I never really wanted to get older. I had always assumed that one day I’d die peacefully as a young and gloriously chiseled man. I was also kind of an idiot back then and I drank a lot. I still drink a lot, but I’m much smrter now.
Getting to the point, I decided to make a change. I dropped 20 pounds over the course of several weeks. Just like that. It was easy. Then maybe I gained it all back because I was like “Done!” and “Back to Taco Bell, motherfuckers!” Turns out that being healthy isn’t something you accomplish, it’s something you are. I hate it when people say this, but it’s a lifestyle and that sucks because I’m the kind of guy who wants to go from point A to point B and be done with the whole god damn mess so I can go home and play video games.
I’m back at square one, but going forward anyway. I woke up at 5am today so I could go to the gym before work and I’m eating a banana for breakfast. A FUCKING BANANA! Usually it’s a medium rare steak with 5 whiskeys, but apparently a 3,500 calorie breakfast is considered an “unhealthy eating habit.” God I hated that doctor so much. Where does he get off telling people how to live?
Anyway, wish me luck. Working out is hard and I’ve definitely got some hurdles to overcome, but I’m hoping it’s worth it. I’m also looking for a good gym planning and workout tracking app with apple watch compatibility so if you’ve got any ideas let me know. Or if you have any fitness ideas, want to harass me about going to the gym or eating right, share recipes, heckle my lack of commitment, or make mean comments because you’re a stupid doctor who has just realized that despite all that money and education you have, the one thing you can’t heal is yourself, be my guest.
Dad bod out.