Ok, so Mad Wife found it, but I’m taking full credit for everything that happened after. Let’s set the stage: I’m sleeping. It’s early morning. I get a phone call.

Mad Wife: “Do you want a kitten!?”

Me: “What? No. Why?”

Mad Wife & Mad Girl: “WE FOUND A KITTEN AND HE’S THE CUTEST AND YOU HAVE TO KEEP HIM BECAUSE HE'S ALL ALONE AND HE ALREADY LOVES YOU!!!”

Meet Keanu.

So there he was, crossing the street while the wife was dropping the girl off to summer camp. At a vet-estimated 5-6 weeks old and not even a full pound, they scooped him up and took him home. The last thing I wanted was a kitten, but it was my week with the boys so I had to spend time with the little guy whether I wanted to or not. The wife had a few friends who wanted to adopt him, but she really wanted me to take him because he'd be "good for me." So I figured I'd hang out with the little guy and give it a shot.

We watched Keanu that first night and after he spent the entire time headbutting me, purring, kneading my face, and falling asleep on my neck, he was 100% my god damn cat. There was no way in hell I was giving him up.

I took the little guy to the vet 2 days later. He had noticeably gained weight in those two days, but was still malnourished. He had yeast, bacterial, and mite infections in both ears along with just about every parasite a cat can have. But several hundred dollars in vet bills later, I have a healthy and stupidly affectionate kitten to hang out with. He’s pretty cool. In fact, he’s gangster which brings me to the name.

I thought of the name Keanu shortly after Mad Wife suggested it. It fits. You see, Keanu the movie is about a kitten coveted by a drug cartel, a dangerous gangster, two assassins, and two super white black guys who fight all of the above to keep him. Ok… so maybe my situation is nothing like that, but I like the movie and it’s a good cat name. Ok, it’s not a great cat name, but I don’t care what you think. He's my cat now and that's all that matters.

And he's gangster AF.

Disclaimer for the haters: Keanu was registered with the county found pets program and Mad Wife posted on several local community message boards. As of the publishing of this post, it's been about 4 weeks since he was found and nobody has come forth to claim him. He's mine now, bitches! Suck it!