That’s weird. That title cut off and should have read, “The Mad Dad had a baby picture sent to him by one of his friends who just had a baby.” The title that posted is just… well it’s misleading. Let’s leave it at that.
So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. My youngest son’s second birthday is this week and a good friend of mine really did have his first baby. A beautiful little girl they call Madison. He’s a big cheese fan and Madison Wisconsin is known for their rich cheese mines so I guess it makes sense. Anyway, babies are on my mind and I’m feeling nostalgic AF so I figured I’d write about it.
As I look back on my life, there are a few key moments that have defined who I am and who I want to be. I graduated the police academy on July 10th, 2006, I fell in love with my wife on May 30th, 2009, and I landed my dream job on January 4th, 2016. These events shaped my life as a small river shaped the Grand Canyon. The changes were gradual and I had the opportunity to settle into them or, had I wanted to, change directions all together. Having a kid is like getting t-boned in a car at an intersection. Most of us see it coming, but it’ll spin your life around and knock you on your ass. In a good way of course. Like a happy car accident that poops a lot. But the result are nevertheless instant and unsettling. There is no easing into it. As parents, we only have the option to adapt… or adopt I guess. People love buying babies, but I chose to adapt.
Nothing. Not one. Single. Thing. Changed my life so much as the birth of my boys. When my oldest son was born, I had already been a dad for 4 years to my amazing step daughter. But I became a parent to her over time. I became that father figure on my terms and only after building that relationship with her. When you have your own kid, there is no training phase. When they’re born, you’re a parent whether you’re ready or not.
Fortunately for me, my wife, and my boys, I was ready. But anyone who’s had a kid knows that being “ready” to become a parent means fuck all when that baby comes out. That doesn’t make it any less awesome, though. I remember being in the recovery room waiting for mom to be stitched up and returned. Just my son and I; 30 minutes old and grasping my finger while staring at me with those steel colored baby eyes. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces in that moment and even though I eventually put it back together, it was never the same as it had been before. I am fundamentally different and I’ll never be the man I was before I had my son.
Thank God because I sucked.
Looking back on nearly 4 years of being a parent, I realized that having a child is to embark on a journey without a destination. I don’t know where I’m going with my kids, but I know that I love them more than anything in this world and that it’s been a hell of a ride so far. I’ve learned so much from them. I’ve grown more than I could have thought possible and I hope they can learn a few things from me other than how to say “fucking hell” at daycare or that “daddy’s favorite drink is whiskey.”
And I guess that brings me to the point of this pseudo-sensical post. James and Lisa, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl and welcome to the journey. Let me close with a few words of unsolicited and mind blowing wisdom. None of us know what the fuck we’re doing so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t worry about the small shit or the big shits. Be good to each other because parenting is hard and thankless. Stash some grown up sized changes of clothes in your car for when you get shit on at a dinner party (it will happen). And enjoy every single second of your life right now because you can’t go back.
But you CAN have another if you want to re-live this whole thing… Just saying.