Mad Dad Needs Coffee

“Daddy, I don’t want to wear two pants to school anymore.” - Bennett

So I gave up caffeine. What the fuck is wrong with me, you ask? I’ll tell you. Call it stress, anxiety, or simply poor life choices, but I haven’t been sleeping well. Not sleeping sucks so I’ve been drinking a ton of coffee and energy drinks to fight the daylight hours when I’m supposed to be awake. Fuck you, consciousness. Why aren’t people allowed to sleep at work? If I worked for one of those cool tech companies that have the sleep pods, I’d have a pod with my name on it. I’d also be fired because I wouldn’t work at all. At least I’d be rested. Homeless and rested. Being homeless can’t be all bad.

Anyway, the not sleeping thing continued so I continued to pound caffeine like a meth head pounding, I dunno… Meth. That’s when I realized I was probably contributing to the cycle of sleeplessness so bam. I went cold turkey. I cut out all caffeine save for the occasional soda or pop (as the weird ass northerners like to say).

Three days in and I was feeling rough. Really rough. Struggling to stay awake driving rough. Finally I got home with the boys and was able to collapse into the couch.

“Daddy, I don’t want to wear two pants to school anymore,” says my youngest. Struggling to stay conscious I mutter, “huh?” So my sweet 3 year old baby boy pulls his shorts down. “Two pants. I don’t want to wear two pants anymore. It’s too hard to go potty.” And under his pair of shorts was another pair of shorts. Yep. I dressed my child in two pairs of shorts this morning in the middle of the god damn summer and sent him to daycare.

Jesus Christ… I need coffee.