Being divorced is the best. If you haven’t done it at least once, I highly recommend it. It wasn’t always the best, but now that it’s over it is the best. The fucking best. Pay attention, god damnit. It’s the best.
Now let’s backtrack. Two and a half years ago, my life changed in a spectacularly shitty way. If you want to read about it, you can here. It was not fun. I found myself out of a home and couch surfing till I was able to find a basement room cheap enough to rent. I had to figure out how to parent again with two high energy kids in a single basement room. Once I started feeling somewhat normal again, my not yet ex-wife told me she was 6 months pregnant. That was hard. I invited her new boyfriend to our wedding and our game nights. Now they were having a baby together. There was a lot of anger, hate, and self-destructive habits.
There were good things, too. The end of my marriage was anything but healthy. Looking back, it was an environment defined by stress and anxiety. As rough as moving out was, the first night in my new basement room filled me with intense relief. It was like I could breathe again after months of pressure I didn’t even know was there. I was able to start doing a lot of things that weren’t supported during the previous dictatorial regime. I imagine I feel a lot like a North Korean who just escaped over the border and into a free country. The only difference is that they had it way easier. Post move I was able to re-engaged with a sport I love. I started exploring my love of cooking free from the harassment that came with spending too much money on groceries. I even got a sweet ass cat. I’m my own person again and it feels great.
Today I’m three days away from closing on a new house. Getting out of the basement is huge for the boys and I. I’m dating an awesome human being that I feel super comfortable with and I fucking hate my job. Wait, that last thing hasn’t really changed. I guess not everything is awesome all the time, but that’s life.
I wrote the first divorce post a long time ago when I was still pretty broken up about it. It was genuine and heartfelt at the time, but I feel compelled to follow up. I know a lot of people are going through what I did in various stages and I wanna say that it gets better. I hated hearing this. Every time somebody told me it gets better, I felt like it was a dismissal of my pain and it would make me angry, but the simple fact is that grief ends. Grief only lasts forever when you allow it to. Whether you’re going through a bad breakup, divorce, or still struggling with the Game of Thrones finale, it gets better. I am not a positive person so I won’t tell you to find your inner you and live your best life. I’m a cynic, pragmatist, and borderline nihilist so if you’re going through some shitty times, there’s not a lot I can say other than this. Drinking helps. Hang out with your friends. Get hobbies. Get a cat.
It gets better.